2007年9月19日 星期三
Night Market
There are many night markets in Taiwan. Some are very small, some are very big. Besides, I live in a small fishing village in Yun-Lin country and there is a night market, too. But my fishing village’s night market is smaller than Tainan’s night market. Furthermore, I thought that Tainan’s night market is better than my village’s night market because it have a lot of snack and something special.
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" Besides, I live in": You really like the word "besides, but you don't have any idea what it means nor any idea of how or when or where to use it. Forget it, please. Drop it from your vocabulary. Before you use it again, look it up in a good English-English learner's dictionary to see how it's used. Your sentence should begin with "I live in".
"there is a night market, too" ==> "there is a night market there, too".
"it have a lot of snack and something special" ==> "it has a lot of snacks and other special things".
You also like those big, clunky subordinating conjunctions like "moreover" and "furthermore". They're too formal for an informal essay. Try to avoid them. Look at a thesaurus to see if you can find shorter conjunctions.
Still, your points are clearly expressed, so that's good.
Bill
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