2007年11月26日 星期一
I strained a muscle
Our public drinking water machine was broken last Friday. Water was dripping down from it, so the floor was covered with water. There was nobody could repair it until the next Monday that plumber will go to work. A few days later, the floor was become very dirty because everyone walked there without stopping or walking other side, but just going straight down. Besides, the wet floor was very dangerous if someone did not know that might slip down. I once walked there without stopping and almost slipping down. Therefore, I had no choice but to borrow a mop from the dormitory assistant in order to clean it by myself. After mopping the floor, I strained a muscle in my back last night. I felt very bad.
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Do you mean the water machine in your dormitory? I don't know who "our" refers to until two sentences from the end, much too late. That first sentence should read: "The drinking water machine in my dormitory was broken last Friday."
"There was nobody could repair it" should be "There was nobody who could repair it". And "until the next Monday that plumber will go to work" should be "until the next Monday, when the plumbers would go to work".
"A few days later, the floor was become very dirty" has two problems. First, "a few days later" is not a natural thing to say here when talking about the period between Friday and Monday. It should be "By Monday morning" or "By Sunday night". Second, "the floor had become very dirty" is correct.
I don't understand the connection between your penultimate (= "next to last") sentence and the rest of the essay. Either you are trying to tell the reader that mopping the floor caused to to strain a muscle in your back (but you don't say that) or that some time after mopping the floor, you strained a muscle in your back for some totally unrelated reason which you do not reveal. In either case, the sentence should not be there, or else it should be changed to something like this: "A few minutes after I had finished mopping the floor, I realized that I had strained a muscle in my back". If that's true, then you are in very bad physical condition and should seriously consider using a wheelchair instead of walking.
I was expecting you to tell us that you strained a muscle because you almost slipped and fell down (not "almost slipping down").
Doesn't it make you angry to know that your university doesn't take care of its buildings and other facilities? In a reasonably run dormitory, someone would have at least turned off the water to the water machine so that it stopped leaking. Or else the dormitory authorities would have made sure that someone -- the dormitory assistant you mentioned, perhaps -- was assigned to mop up the water every 30-60 minutes so that nobody slipped and fell. Honestly, doesn't that make you mad? It makes me mad.
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